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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/24441973">The Kraken Cometh</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/vgersix/pseuds/vgersix'>vgersix</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Good Omens (TV), Good Omens - Neil Gaiman &amp; Terry Pratchett</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Aziraphale Has a ???, Aziraphale Loves Crowley (Good Omens), Crowley Has A Vulva (Good Omens), Crowley Has a Penis (Good Omens), Crowley Loves Aziraphale (Good Omens), Dom Aziraphale (Good Omens), Eldritch Horror but Make it Sexy, Gentle Dom Aziraphale (Good Omens), I can't help myself, LMAO, M/M, Monsterfuckery, Tentacle Monsters, Tentacle Sex, all my porn is comedy</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-05-29</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-05-29</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-04 09:27:07</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Explicit</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>2,578</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/24441973</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/vgersix/pseuds/vgersix</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>“Ooh, ooh —” he pointed at the television, gesticulating wildly. “This is the part where the sea monster eats Captain Nemo, and you’d swear he’s into it.”</p><p>“Into it?” Aziraphale sat on the couch next to Crowley, observing the scene with some trepidation. “You mean that he’s happy about it? About being eaten?”</p><p>“Listen,” Crowley shrugged. “I’m just saying. You harbor an obsession that… obsessive… for that long. Gotta be something going on in your head. Man thought of nothing else but that.. Suckery… puckery… sea creature for way too long. I’m not saying anything. I’m just saying… something.”</p><p>Crowley tipped his head back, taking a big swig of wine from the bottle he’d been nursing for the last couple of hours, and gulping down a mouthful. Aziraphale worked to ignore the way it rippled down Crowley’s throat, like a snake wolfing down a meal half its own size. Well, not like, so much as precisely that, if you wanted to get technical about it. Only Crowley tended to wolf down wine rather than anything resembling solid food, most days. As far as Aziraphale knew, regular, mortal serpents tended not to do that.</p><p>“Just how many of those bottles have you had, dear boy?”</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Aziraphale &amp; Crowley (Good Omens), Aziraphale/Crowley (Good Omens)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>16</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>124</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Collections:</b></td><td>Adversarial Anniversary Celebration</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>The Kraken Cometh</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><ul class="associations">
      <li>For <a href="https://archiveofourown.org/users/JeanieNitro/gifts">JeanieNitro</a>.</li>



    </ul><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>This is chapter one of two! This was a fun challenge and I wound up writing tentacle porn which is definitely a.... first. lol. Enjoy!</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Crowley was watching something on telly in the other room. It was loud and cinematic and must have involved some kind of battle scene because it sounded like a hungry animal rending another animal in two, chewing it up for its dinner. There was a lot of shouting and dramatic declarations of heroism and it was all Aziraphale could do to keep his attention on the spreadsheet in front of him. It was tax time again, and Aziraphale was not about to break his several hundred year long record of providing perfectly accurate accounts, despite being audited at least once every decade. He supposed there was such a thing as <i>too</i> perfect — it tended to make the humans suspicious. Still, he had a reputation to keep and he wasn’t about to get sloppy now.</p><p>Another animalistic roar came from the television, causing Aziraphale to jump in surprise. Crowley let out something like a giggle, and the shuffling sound of a hand digging into the massive bowl of popcorn was finally the last straw for the angel. He hit save on his Excel file and got up from the computer desk to go investigate. </p><p>“Crowley,” he asked, sliding the little black glasses from the tip of his nose. “What in the world are you watching?”</p><p>“<i>20,000 Leagues Under the Sea</i>,” he said without so much as looking up. “Ooh, ooh —” he pointed at the television, gesticulating wildly. “This is the part where the sea monster eats Captain Nemo, and you’d swear he’s into it.”</p><p>“Into it?” Aziraphale sat on the couch next to Crowley, observing the scene with some trepidation. “You mean that he’s happy about it? About being eaten?”</p><p>“Listen,” Crowley shrugged. “I’m just saying. You harbor an obsession that… obsessive… for that long. Gotta be something going on in your head. Man thought of nothing else but that.. Suckery… puckery… sea creature for way too long. I’m not saying anything. I’m just saying… something.”</p><p>Crowley tipped his head back, taking a big swig of wine from the bottle he’d been nursing for the last couple of hours, and gulping down a mouthful. Aziraphale worked to ignore the way it rippled down Crowley’s throat, like a snake wolfing down a meal half its own size. Well, not like, so much as precisely that, if you wanted to get technical about it. Only Crowley tended to wolf down wine rather than anything resembling solid food, most days. As far as Aziraphale knew, regular, mortal serpents tended not to do that.</p><p>“Just how many of those bottles have you had, dear boy?”</p><p>“Wha,” Crowley asked, only glancing away from the telly momentarily to catch Aziraphale’s eye. “Angel, are you watching? This is the good part!”</p><p>“The part where he gets eaten, yes. You mentioned.”</p><p>“Oh, come on. It’s a classic film. One of those black and whites you like so much. Should be right up your alley.”</p><p>“Well, my dear. It clearly fascinates you,” Aziraphale shrugged. “I suppose I can take a break. Be a dear and pour a glass of that for me, won’t you?”</p><p>Crowley plucked a glass out of thin air and somewhat shakily filled it with wine. </p><p>The next day, it was Godzilla. One of the newer renditions, with modern special effects and all. They’d traded out the guy in a rubber suit for this very realistic computer generated figure — its claws and eyes and facial features even moved. It was really quite impressive, Aziraphale thought. </p><p>“S’amazing what they can do, now,” Crowley marveled, clearly also taking note of the visual effects. </p><p>“Oh, yes,” smiled Aziraphale. “I was thinking much the same. Almost looks real.”</p><p>“I mean the way her tail just… undulates.”</p><p>Crowley took a deep and steadying breath, eyes wide and glued to the television. He had a bit of a pink flush in his cheeks which Aziraphale thought a bit out of place. But, perhaps it was the alcohol taking effect. It was a bit warm in here. He ought to open a window, or something. </p><p>It was only after he returned to the couch that he noted, Crowley wasn’t drinking anything.</p><p>On Thursday, Crowley did not appear on the little couch in front of the television at his usual time. Typically, the demon would emerge from the upstairs loft bedroom at about noon, hair bedraggled and cradling a cup of coffee, before turning on the telly to click around until he found something he felt like watching. </p><p>Aziraphale thought nothing of it at first, but when he checked his watch and realized it was nearly tea time, he began to grow concerned. </p><p>He climbed the stairs, calling out Crowley’s name as he went. “My dear, is everything all right? Shouldn’t you ought to get up soon?”</p><p>Still, there was no answer, and the door stood slightly ajar. Aziraphale pushed it, stepping into the bedroom. The scene that he found there was not entirely unfamiliar. The addition of the large disc jockey headphones was new, though they certainly explained why Crowley had not responded. He was clearly ensconced in his own world of auditory experience, and could not hear anything outside of that.</p><p>Crowley was on his back in the bed, naked, with his small computer tablet balanced delicately on raised shins while he furiously — rather urgently, Aziraphale thought — stroked his own penis. </p><p>“Oh, I’m sorry, darling—” Aziraphale pressed one apologetic hand to his own chest, thinking to excuse himself and leave the demon to it — perhaps with an offer of tea afterwards if he wanted to come downstairs. But before Aziraphale could say anything else, the headphones were being swatted off of Crowley’s head, and the tablet was flying across the room, and an instant later Crowley himself was doing something like a cartwheel after the tablet in a hopeless attempt to recapture it. A stream of curses poured out of his mouth and his limbs tangled in the sheets, as Aziraphale stepped forward to easily catch the tablet screen side down. </p><p>“Ah,” Aziraphale exclaimed, smiling. “That was lucky. No harm done.”</p><p>Crowley cowered on the edge of the bed, eyes wide, gasping for breath, with one hand outstretched after the tablet. Aziraphale couldn’t understand why he looked so terrified. It wasn’t as if Aziraphale had never caught him like this before. He’d been the one <i>getting</i> caught a handful of times. On every other such occasion, they’d always had a giggle about it and climbed into bed together, and carried on almost without missing a beat. Why should this time be any different?</p><p>It was at that moment that Aziraphale registered the sounds coming from the tablet. When the headphones had jerked free of it, the internal speakers had kicked on. He could only describe the auditory landscape (and it was a landscape; a pure cacophony of sound) as one of hunger, and thirst — wet, slurping sounds like something being gobbled up and swallowed down. </p><p>“Angel, uh…” </p><p>Aziraphale began to flip the tablet over, openly curious as to what in the world might be making a sound like that.</p><p>“Angel!” Crowley dove forward, wrenching the tablet free of Aziraphale’s hands and clutching it to his chest. He flailed at the buttons, switching it off. </p><p>“Crowley!” Aziraphale shouted right back. “What in the world is wrong with you?”</p><p>“I don’t know, angel. I’m sorry—” Crowley whimpered, shaking his head. “I don’t know why I’m like this. It’s nasty. I’m nasty. I just can’t stop thinking about it.”</p><p>“What?” Aziraphale frowned. “About what? Electronics are delicate, my dear. I only meant that you should be careful.”</p><p>Crowley looked up at him, and Aziraphale didn’t think he’d seen the demon look so small and so ashamed in a very long time. </p><p>“Oh, my dear,” the angel cooed. “I’m terribly sorry if I bothered you. But it is late afternoon, you know?”</p><p>“Is it?” Crowley sniffed, still hugging the tablet. </p><p>“Yes, and I thought— ” Aziraphale began, crawling into bed next to Crowley. “Well, that doesn’t matter right now. I suppose you’d like to finish watching your film.” He shot Crowley one raised eyebrow. “Perhaps we could watch it together?”</p><p>Crowley shook his head, vehemently. “No, no, nope— Don’t think so, angel.”</p><p>“Oh,” Aziraphale turned his head to one side. “Come on, now. You’ve certainly indulged some strange requests from me, my dear. What could be so bad?”</p><p>“Angel,” Crowley huffed. “Weirdest thing you’ve ever asked me to do was feed you cake while I sucked your cock.”</p><p>Aziraphale glanced aside, covering his mouth with one hand while he blushed at the memory. “Oh, yes,” he giggled. “That was nice.”</p><p>“Yeah, it was,” Crowley smirked, obviously remembering the scene fondly as well. He shook his head, coming back to the moment. “But it was hardly extreme! And it’s not as if I wasn’t as into it as you so obviously were.”</p><p>Aziraphale huffed, puffing out his chest. “What makes you so sure I wouldn’t like,” he gestured vaguely at the tablet. “Whatever that is?”</p><p>“Trust me, angel,” Crowley sighed. “You wouldn’t.”</p><p>“How do you know?” Aziraphale persisted, balling his fists in irritation. </p><p>“Because I’ve been dropping hints all week and you haven’t so much as noticed!” Crowley roared, teeth bared in fury before he finally slumped back onto the duvet, defeated. </p><p>“All you’ve done this week is watch monster films!” Aziraphale protested. “Sea creatures, and lizards, and slimy gooey crawly things and— OH.”</p><p>Crowley let out some guttural noise, like his innards were being twisted painfully, and burrowed under the blankets. </p><p>“Oh, my dear,” Aziraphale said, peeking under the covers after the retreating feet of a slithering snake man, red with humiliation. “Well, you <i>are</i> a crawly thing. It only follows, I suppose.”</p><p>“Don’t look at me,” Crowley muttered. “Don’t talk to me. I’m disgusting.”</p><p>“Crowley, don’t you think you’re being a bit overdramatic?” Aziraphale crooned encouragingly after him.</p><p>“Never.”</p><p>“Well,” Aziraphale huffed, dropping the blanket over the lump of man-shaped being where he now lay curled, coiled into himself. “If you’re just going to pout under there, I don’t suppose you’ll mind if I satisfy my curiosity.” </p><p>Aziraphale picked up the tablet, making a bit of a noisy to-do about settling into a comfortable position with it on his lap. “Let’s just see what’s so terrible, shall we?” He paused, waiting to see if Crowley would protest. </p><p>“Fine,” Crowley mumbled from under the blankets. “Don’t care.”</p><p>Aziraphale sighed, shaking his head as he flipped the tablet over. “Unlikely,” he said, waiting a beat. “Crowley, I won’t watch it if you really don’t—” </p><p>“Well, go on then!” Crowley sounded like he was grinding his teeth together. “Press fucking play!”</p><p>Aziraphale grinned, and did.</p><p>The noises made a little more sense in combination with the visual. Tendrils and tentacles writhing and sliding against one another, just one great big mass of slippery, slick looking appendages. It was animated, which seemed reasonable considering the impracticality of creating such an effect using any other medium. Such would be nearly impossible — or it would be, Aziraphale thought with a little internal giggle — for most people. There were perks to being an immortal with little more than thin suggestion dictating one’s own corporeal form. </p><p>“Well, it’s certainly,” he struggled to come up with an intelligent observation of what he was seeing. “You can see a lot of hard work and care went into creating this,” he decided finally.</p><p>“Do not critique the artistic quality of my porn, Aziraphale,” Crowley grunted from where he’d now retreated to the foot of the bed.</p><p>“And why ever not?” Aziraphale asked, clasping the tablet in one hand while he held the other aloft, examining its fundamental shape with mild curiosity. </p><p>“Cause,” Crowley said. “S’not the point.”</p><p>Aziraphale hummed, watching as his own hand melted into something of a facsimile to what he was seeing on the screen. “I suppose that’s fair,” he said. He glanced back and forth between his new appendage and the screen. “Oh, heavens,” he remarked. “That won’t do at all. Needs to be wetter, I think.”</p><p>Crowley fell quiet for a moment, but Aziraphale could hear him breathing against the sheets where he lay ensconced below. </p><p>“Fewer bones; yes,” Aziraphale focused on giving the limb less skeletal structure. Like a great big tongue, sort of. “That’s better.” </p><p>He watched with a purely scientific fascination as it flopped on the end of his arm, sliding against itself in a manner that was, to be frank, a bit alarming but not altogether unpleasant. It squicked and squelched as it did so, not unlike the mass of tentacles dancing on the tablet screen. </p><p>This wasn’t so strange, he thought. He didn’t know what Crowley was making such a fuss about. After all, Aziraphale’s true form was one covered in innumerable unblinking eyes and holy fire without end, masses of eternally flapping wings and sunbursts — wheels of flame and lightning only a backdrop to the chaotic mass of horror that marked the principality as a guardian and watcher from whose all-seeing eye there could be no refuge. </p><p>Hmm, he thought. Now there was an idea. </p><p>“Crowley…” Even to his own ears, such that they were now ears at all, his voice had changed. “Be not afraid, my dear.” He had his own little giggle at the choice of phrasing. “Why don’t you come out and see what I’ve made for you?”</p><p>Crowley shuffled uncertainly under the covers, and presently a mussed up swathe of red hair appeared as he peeked out from an opening in the blankets. He blinked in… terror? Amazement? Something else? Aziraphale couldn’t be certain, at first. But then the black pupils went wide, a reaction that nearly always accompanied arousal in Crowley, and he instantly felt a bit more sure of himself. </p><p>“You like it?” Aziraphale asked, preening somehow despite an overall lack of customary facial features.</p><p>Crowley looked Aziraphale up and down where he hovered just a few feet above the floor, white wings flapping lazily in such a way that couldn’t have had much to do with actual locomotion. This entire corporation rather defied physics, really. </p><p>“You’ve got an awful lot going on there, angel,” Crowley said speculatively, turning aside and arching his neck to get a better look at the six sets of wings all brushing against each other, the amorphous body that remained only vaguely human-shaped and was now covered entirely in bright blue eyes, and, perhaps most notably, the neat little bundle of seven twisting tentacles held primly before him. There were also hands and arms. Crowley seemed to be taking note of these just now. There were what some might deem too many of them as well — three on each side of the angel’s strange and complicated body. There were no legs, and no immediately identifiable genitalia. </p><p>“I wanted to be thorough,” Aziraphale said, turning a bit pink under Crowley’s scrutiny (and what a strange sensation that was, blood rushing to the surface of several different types of skin scattered all over the entirety of his form). He looked down at himself, which was a rather easy feat when one had eyes at every angle. “Have I missed anything important?”</p><p>“Uh,” Crowley shrugged. “I guess I’d look pretty stupid, if I pointed out you’ve got no cock?”</p><p>Eyes all over Aziraphale’s body squinted nearly closed, and the sound of his own laughter was startling. “Oh yes, my dear,” he chuckled. “I think you would find that particular appendage rather redundant, in this case.”</p><p>“<i>Ngk</i>.”</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>
  <b><a href="http://vgersix.tumblr.com">Tumblr</a> | <a href="https://twitter.com/ljvaughnwrites">Twitter</a></b>
</p></blockquote></div></div>
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